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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
Related topics: Cynical
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen
Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness depends upon ourselves.
- Aristotle
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
- Charles Swindoll
Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Choose your Habits, Choose your Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The possession of knowledge does not
kill the sense of wonder and mystery.
There is always more mystery.
- Anais Nin
Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow
How do you want to be remembered?
Live life full out - Begin today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dance Lightly With Life:
Today is your day to
dance lightly with life,
sing wild songs of adventure,
soar your spirit,
unfurl your joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness walks on busy feet.
- Kitte Turmell
I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Create happiness for others.
- Dale Carnegie
Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,
but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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