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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with. ...
by W. C. Fields

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

Related topics: Cynical Funny

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields

 

I am free of all prejudices.
I hate every one equally.
- W. C. Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa.
Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days
we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
- W. C. Fields

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for
days on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse,
but there's nothing exactly like it.
- W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope,
life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
- W. C. Fields

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
- W. C. Fields

Set up another case bartender!
The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
- W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream,
but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
- W. C. Fields

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

Here lies W. C. Fields.
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
- W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
- W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place,
a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
- W. C. Fields

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking;
it's easy.
I've done it a thousand times.
- W. C. Fields

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
- W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.
- W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone.
I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite
and furthermore always carry a small snake.
- W. C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
- W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,
which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from -
ever again.
- W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity.
My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
- W. C. Fields

I must have a drink of breakfast.
- W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
- W. C. Fields

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
- W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must
take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
- W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink;
I just worry about being driven home.
- W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia,
I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields

It was a woman who drove me to drink,
and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
- W. C. Fields

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death,
where is thy sting?
- W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house.
There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
- W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.
- W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
- W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
- W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W. C. Fields

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
- W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.
- W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
- W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
- W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water.
I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
- W. C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll
expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
- W. C. Fields

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance,
baffle them with bull.
- W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman.
Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night,
she can still survive.
- W. C. Fields

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes
so they would turn over by themselves.
- W. C. Fields

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,
which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life -
except drink.
- W. C. Fields

No doubt exists that all women are crazy;
it's only a question of degree.
- W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
- W. C. Fields

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
- W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices.
I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband.
Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
- W. C. Fields

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -
sell liquor or drink it.
- W. C. Fields

All the men in my family were bearded,
and most of the women.
- W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants.
I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
- W. C. Fields

I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile
can be the source of your joy.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole
for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast
and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat -
dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Grin your smile; giggle your laugh; unfurl your joy;
dash the last trace of your self-consciousness;
and cavort your most uninhibited play.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Grin your smile;
giggle your laugh;
unfurl your joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Wear an Inner Smile.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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