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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
by Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain

How is it that one rails against that
which is nearly a certainty?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A moderate addiction to money may not always be hurtful;
but when taken in excess it is nearly always bad for the health.
- Clarence Day

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Let it be remembered, too, that at a time of war,
nearly every one is under great strain.
- William Lyon Mackenzie King

While you're writing, you can't concentrate nearly
as well on what the speaker is saying.
- Marilyn vos Savant

That Days of Our Lives thing for a week nearly killed me.
- Lesley-Anne Down

I could have been an architect, but I don't think I'd have been very happy.
Nearly all modern architecture is a silly game as far as I can see.
- Roger Waters

The Broadway audience is made up of a greater percentage of tourists now.
There's not nearly as much variety and danger and challenge in what's being offered.
- John Lithgow

After an existence of nearly 20 years of almost innocuous desuetude,
these laws are brought forth.
- Grover Cleveland

I hesitated, too, because for better or worse,
I have been one of the principal architects of New
Labour and I have worked closely with Tony Blair and
the team for nearly 20 years.
- Peter Mandelson

In nearly all ballads, the words set the mood and meaning,
while the music intensifies or enhances them.
- Kate Smith

What comes from oneself, is nearly from no one.
There is only me as a link.
- Eduardo Chillida

Freedom of expression is the matrix,
the indispensable condition,
of nearly every other form of freedom.
- Benjamin Cardozo

When, in the third book, we do learn the identity of the Blue Rose murderer,
the information comes in a muted, nearly off-hand manner,
and the man has died long before.
- Peter Straub

There is hard hitting, but the hitting is not nearly
as hard as it used to be.
- Jim Otto

Our society distributes itself into Barbarians,
Philistines and Populace; and America is just ourselves
with the Barbarians quite left out,
and the Populace nearly.
- Matthew Arnold

Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.
- Heraclitus

If enough people think of a thing and work hard enough at it,
I guess it's pretty nearly bound to happen,
wind and weather permitting.
- Laura Ingalls Wilder

Most Americans have some experience with nursing homes
or other long term care settings,
and nearly half have had a family member or close friend
in a home in the past three years.
- Michael Burgess

I believe that every human soul is teaching something
to someone nearly every minute here in mortality.
- M. Russell Ballard

I've never been more in love with anyone nearly half my age than I am today.
I'd get married in a minute if I weren't still married to somebody else.
- Rod Stewart

It is indeed an odd business that it has taken this
Court nearly two centuries to "discover" a constitutional
mandate to have counsel at a preliminary hearing.
- Warren E. Burger

Currently, more than 4.7 million African Americans
receive Social Security benefits,
and nearly 8 million people with disabilities depend
on Social Security for their daily sustenance.
- Chaka Fattah

I read a great number of press reports and find comfort
in the fact that they are nearly always conflicting.
- Harold MacMillan

I would do anything for a part, nearly anything.
Being in movies doesn't mean being pretty.
- Diane Kruger

In addition, California spends nearly $1 billion a
year in Medi-Cal services for an average of 780,000
illegal immigrants a month,
over and above emergency health services.
- Elton Gallegly

Don't undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible.
- Edwin Land

To the scientist there is the joy in pursuing truth
which nearly counteracts the depressing revelations of truth.
- H. P. Lovecraft

The U.S.
should support the historic Gaza withdrawal as a first
step toward a final settlement:
a permanent Palestinian state in Gaza and nearly all of the West Bank.
- Lee H. Hamilton

With nearly 20 days until Iraq emerges as a free sovereign
state for the first time in more than three decades,
terrorists have increasingly targeted our country's infrastructure.
- Iyad Allawi

If we thought it would improve our relationship,
we would get married tomorrow, but as it is,
nearly 7 years after we got engaged,
we are content to wait.
- Benny Anderson

Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career
woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep.
- Helen Gurley Brown

We're not nearly as violent as the westerns.
- Moe Howard

It is very nearly impossible...
to become an educated person in a country so distrustful of the independent mind.
- James A. Baldwin

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected,
unplanned by me.
- Carl Sandburg

The world will step aside for nearly anyone who has
the courage of his of her opinions.
- George Weinberg

Whether it is the old lady's fear, or the many ghostly
traditions of this place,
or the crucifix itself, I do not know,
but I am not feeling nearly as easy in my mind as usual.
- Bram Stoker

Yeah, for some reason parrots have to bite me.
That's their job.
I don't know why that is.
They've nearly torn my nose off.
I've had some really bad parrot bites.
- Steve Irwin

There are some faults so nearly allied to excellence
that we can scarce weed out the vice without eradicating the virtue.
- Oliver Goldsmith

Nearly one in ten Americans are still out of work.
And still, the President and Congress are focused on
ramming through their health-care bill,
whatever it takes, whatever the cost.
- Scott Brown


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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