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A minister has to be able to read a clock.
by Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father was an Episcopalian minister,
and I've always been comforted by the power of prayer.
- Anna Lee

I'd be prouder still to say I was Canada's 10th woman prime minister.
- Kim Campbell

You see, I was the son of a baptist minister.
- DeForest Kelley

My training in Science of Mind had begun with my mother.
She took me to a different church every Sunday,
and she encouraged me to question the minister afterward.
- Esther Williams

But he is unworthy the name of a minister of the gospel of peace,
who is unwilling, not only to have his name cast out as evil,
but also to die for the truths of the Lord Jesus.
- George Whitefield

I was on leave from local and regional politics,
as long as I was a Minister.
- Emma Bonino

I am 73 years old.
I was born in Jerusalem.
I'm the first prime minister of Israel to be born here.
I am the only former general to become a prime minister.
- Yitzhak Rabin

First, I was Bavarian State Minister of Justice,
and after the ministries of justice in the various
states were dissolved I became Reich Minister without portfolio.
- Hans Frank

True, some land was bought by a few Cabinet Ministers.
They bought the land.
No minister, to my knowledge acquired land which was meant for resettlement.
- Robert Mugabe

The best sermon is preached by the minister who has
a sermon to preach and not by the man who has to preach a sermon.
- William Feather

If I had to resign every time the Cabinet disagrees with me,
I could not last as a Defense Minister one week.
- Moshe Dayan

The minister of the Gospel is really the yardstick
by which the nation measures its morals.
- Jimmy Swaggart

On the same day I was sworn in as Prime Minister of Canada,
I announced the most sweeping reform ever undertaken
in the structure of our federal government.
- Kim Campbell

Being prime minister is a lonely job...
you cannot lead from the crowd.
- Margaret Thatcher

That is why with enormous regret I have tendered my
resignation to the prime minister today.
- David Blunkett

My ordination in the Church of God in Christ was at age 9,
and I later became a Baptist minister,
which I am today.
- Al Sharpton

The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists:
Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?
- Eric Idle

Blues means what milk does to a baby.
Blues is what the spirit is to the minister.
We sing the blues because our hearts have been hurt,
our souls have been disturbed.
- Alberta Hunter

I'm a minister, and I serve as a minister in addition
to being a university professor.
- Tony Campolo

I am not a newcomer, you know, so I want to be judged
for what I did when I was prime minister last time
in Italy and president of the European Commission for more than five years.
- Romano Prodi

I worked with a group of people who argued day and night -
professors,
officials, the Minister of Finance -
but there were decisions that I had to make.
- Shimon Peres

It is not right for any country, for any president,
for any prime minister to act as a prefect on the affairs of Zimbabwe.
- Levy Mwanawsa

My grandmother was a minister as well,
which was not that common in the 1930s.
- Colin Firth

I do not rule out the possibility of being prime minister of India one day,
but there is still time.
- Lalu Prasad Yadav

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as
of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.
- Boris Johnson

Every cabinet minister gets a mission statement from the Prime Minister.
- Brian Mulroney

Do not suffer any man to baptize or minister unto you,
unless God has spoken unto him by the voice of his servants,
and authorized him to minister in his name.
- Orson Pratt

In all my activities as Armament Minister I never once visited a labor camp,
and cannot, therefore, give any information about them.
- Albert Speer

My ministry's always been one of social activism.
I think a responsible minister must be at some levels
involved in the social order.
- Al Sharpton

The whole of the situation of the Conservative Party
today springs from that night when they dismissed the
best prime minister the country had had since Churchill.
- Denis Thatcher

I want to try and do as much as I can as an actor.
So far I think I've done pretty well with being a minister's son.
And now I know I'm pretty darn good at playing a woman too.
- Barry Watson

You cannot name a Canadian prime minister who has done
as many significant things as I did,
because there are none.
- Brian Mulroney

I was a member of the Politburo for seven years,
a foreign minister.
- Eduard Shevardnadze

No, I've never truly been a minister.
- Little Richard

My father was a minister, so I was a P.K.,
a preacher's kid.
- Dorothy Malone

If the prime minister really believes it,
he must be the only person left who thinks that the
recent bombs in London had no connection at all with his policy in Iraq.
- Kenneth Clarke

The Prime Minister of India, at a meeting that I co-chaired a few months ago,
stated that any development that is not sustainable is not development.
- Maurice Strong

Once, when a British Prime Minister sneezed,
men half a world away would blow their noses.
Now when a British Prime Minister sneezes nobody else
will even say 'Bless You'.
- Bernard Levin

Our first Prime Minister saw a country that would be
known for its generosity of spirit.
And so it is.
- Kim Campbell

This is not to say that the Scots are not fine people,
but they were all sort of...
well, my grandfather was a minister and sort of Protestant,
and this was rather depressing to me.
- Alan Hovhaness

When the congregation becomes the norm by which sermons are measured,
a minister has put a mortgage on his soul.
- Ralph W. Sockman

It is evident that not all people that have the confidence
of the prime minister are the same ones that have the
confidence of the head of state.
- Jose Eduardo Dos Santos

I'm not a minister, I'm not a philosopher,
I'm not a politician, I'm in another category.
- Sun Ra


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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