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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
by Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table -
There's nothing wrong with them,
but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor PHOTO

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

 

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
- Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory,
like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
They seem not to notice us, hovering,
averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks,
but what we do for them is never wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother
laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
- Garrison Keillor

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and
the decades cannot improve.
- Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals
that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor

A minister has to be able to read a clock.
At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast
and get the peas out of the freezer.
- Garrison Keillor

I think the most un-American thing you can say is,
'You can't say that.'
- Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that,
everyone chortles.
- Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed,
one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
- Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.
- Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
- Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong,
all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
- Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy...
a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't
think my schedule looked so busy.
- Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a
lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye,
and deny it.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

I want to resume the life of a shy person.
- Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.
With air conditioning their windows were shut,
they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
- Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you
wanted but getting what you have,
which once you have got it you may be smart enough
to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I honor you, Hero, for you do not play to the crowd.
You play to your own soul.
An audience of one fills the house with its appreciation and applause.
Others follow you, and may attempt to emulate you,
but that is not why you are a hero.
Fame may smile upon you, or it may not.
The world may cheer your name, or you may be the unknown warrior
who rescued comrades in battle,
or taught a young girl how to shed tears of joy.
Whatever you did, you did not do for fame.
If you had, you would not be a Hero.
You are a Hero for your bold courageous inspired action.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What is free time? I'm a single mother.
My free moments are filled with loving my little girl.
- Roma Downey

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping
of females begins when the doctor says:
It's a girl.
- Shirley Chisholm

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
- Michael Bergin

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake
of marrying the whole girl.
- Stephen Leacock

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please,
to be a good girl.
- Claire Danes

Who would ever think that so much went on
in the soul of a young girl?
- Anne Frank

I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father
coming on a white horse to rescue me.
- Christine Keeler

My music, my songs are 100 percent inspired by girl power.
- Paulina Rubio

I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV.
I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
- Lexa Doig

I'm a Mommy's Girl - the strongest influence in my young life was my mom.
- Susie Bright

I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom.
That was my way of being a bad girl.
- Sandra Bullock

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl,
that keep a husband.
- Euripides

I have never been a material girl.
My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
- Imelda Marcos

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.
After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
- Marilyn Monroe

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
- Alan Alda

When I look in the mirror I see the girl I was when I was growing up,
with braces, crooked teeth, a baby face and a skinny body.
- Heather Locklear

I enjoyed entertaining people since I was a little girl.
There was nothing better than making people laugh.
That, and the need to express myself in a safe environment.
- Amy Weber

I played a real nasty little girl but most of the roles
I had up until then were very sweet and very nice.
- Morgan Brittany

I thought I would be Sheena of the Jungle as a little girl.
- Pam Grier

There is nothing better than playing a bad girl for two months,
then turning around and playing someone sweet.
Films give you this opportunity.
- Amy Weber

If you're lucky enough to have a pretty girl love you
and share herself and sleep with you,
make that your secret.
The best way to spoil love is by talking to too many people about it.
- Rip Torn

I was the youngest and only girl in a family of two older brothers.
- Marlee Matlin

There is definitely something sexy about a girl with
an attitude and a pair of leather pants.
- Eliza Dushku

I don't believe in email.
I'm an old-fashioned girl.
I prefer calling and hanging up.
- Sarah Jessica Parker

Unfortunately, modeling takes you with no transition
from being a girl to being a business woman.
- Karolina Kurkova

I like being a woman, not a girl.
- Sharon Stone

I wasn't the most popular girl in school by any means.
- Cindy Crawford

I think every little girl is fascinated with mermaids.
- Joanna Noelle Levesque

Any girl can look glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me
and have thought to please my ghost,
forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
- H. L. Mencken

The good guy only gets the girl in a soppy way.
- James D'arcy

All my pupils are the creme de la creme.
Give me a girl of an impressionable age,
and she is mine for life.
- Muriel Spark

I met my wife by breaking two of my rules:
never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan.
- Corey Feldman

Like most women, I hate when a guy tries to pick me up by saying,
You are the hottest girl I've ever seen.
It's totally unrealistic.
There are beautiful women everywhere.
- Karen McDougal


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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